Silence, Florescence, Being
My earliest memory is as my mother told me that I need not say everything, I could just think it, we were in the sleeping room, standing beside the bed, she was putting away the laundry. I didn’t get her and asked, “What she meant with thinking?”
Whenever there was a possibility to do so, I was sitting with the friends of my parents on the dining table for hours, observing, listening, learning, reflecting. I could never understand the power games my contemporaries played of hurting one another or proving that they were better than the other through games. I was driving my parents nuts, always asking: “Why has the clock 24 hours? Why do we do it this way? What does this word mean? Who says that?
Does it have to be that way?” Soon I discovered, my parents were out of their depth, even when they did a great job always answering as good as they could. That was when I started thinking for myself, reading, studying and diving deep on my own.
Then one day in September 2004 my life changed when I walked in a remote crystal-shop with my mother with an elderly lady that was standing on the counter. I immediately fell in love with the crystals and all the esoteric and wondrous things she had there.
From that moment on for the next 2 years I spent most of my free time in the crystal-shop, talking to the lady, buying crystals, studying, learning their healing properties till I knew the whole book by heart.
From there an entire new world opened, studying colors, psychosomatic, Emotos Water Crystals, Law of Attraction. I was reading so many books, amazed by all the possibilities that opened up to me. Needless to say that I’ve spent most of my money on crystals and walked in every crystal-shop I could find in every town I visited. The Law of Attraction worked so well that it scared me. Once I was thinking bad of a teacher and immediately slipped on the ice. The four main topics, money, relationship, work (calling) and health didn’t work, so I was digging deep into all the conditioning there is.
My perception, my empathy, was heightened. I started to feel the energies of the crystals, in rooms, from people around me. Intuitively, I knew their troubles and what was the root cause of it. I could recall the energies of the crystals and heal with my hands.
I started sending remote healing, warming them when they were cold. It was done playfully and to the amazement of both sides it worked. Nowadays, I call it Crystal-Medicine. The love for the children of mother Gaia has never wavered since that moment.
In 2008, I started my studies at the Higher Technical School as structural engineer. I loved to draw and work with computers, which were modern at this time, so it was logical that computers + drawing = a structural engineer. My beloved mother knew that it was the wrong choice, but I was always very stubborn when I’ve made up my mind. Two years in and I knew this wasn’t my world, though I liked the school and was good at it. It took me 10 years to muster the strength and resources to quit. My sun is in Taurus, after all, we need security.
In the autumn of 2008 my life changed yet again. First, I started with martial arts, Aikido, which gave me the self-confidence I desperately needed to stand my ground against people that were bigger than me.
Later on I realized it was my father I needed to stand up against, he was very dominant. There I met my first real friend, who was and still is 23 years older than me.
He suggested the “Autobiography of a Yogi – Paramahansa Yogananda” to me, and I was all in again. After some time I ordered the official lessons, started to meditate and the second time of doing the technique my mind was blank. Like no thoughts at all. It took me years to establish a morning and evening routine.
2010 After my civilian cervice with the Red Cross I had the savings I needed. I booked a flight to San Diego, went to the official SRF Ashram and stayed there for 90 days. It was a magical time for me, the first time in my life I was appreciated for what I am.
Everything worked like clockwork, I attended every single morning and evening mediation, massaged, laying on hands, coaching people all the time. There I recognized that I could talk to everyone, especially the people most have difficulty talking too. This caught the attention of the monks there. If I had a question, I didn’t even have to say it. Within 1-2 days it was answered by someone there. After a month I reached a point of no thought, and it stayed that way for the rest of the time.
2012 after my time in the Ashram I went to Germany to a well known Crystal-Healer to learn from him and help him with his property and trainings. After 4 Month I saw that I already knew most of what he had to teach me, that he was very toxic to me and went home again. After my time in the ashram, I wanted to flee from the corporate world, was desperately searching for a way out. But we can never run from ourselves. Today I’m thankful for this experience.
Generally, my weirdness was a hurdle to connect with others, especially women my age. I was studying material, understanding and integrating it, on a level that people usually study with the age of 30-50. I also encountered many narcissists till I learned to love myself and set boundaries. Started to deal with and heal my bronchitis, allergies, short-sightedness and other things. The feeling of not belonging here grew stronger, and meditation became a way of fleeing this world. Never did I feel such at home as in the silence of meditation. It was a challenging time, I had many jobs and in average every 2 years I was without a job for up to 14 months. This time I liked especially, meditating for hours, walking in the forest, eating, recharging. Every one of these breaks was live changing for me.
I always liked to massage people, so I started a 3-year training (Bowtech), paid most of the training with donations from the clients I had at the time. Soon I noticed that my clients were reaching a limit beyond which they could not go. Also, I was very bitter, haven’t set my boundaries yet, and so I pushed them away. It is my mother wound, and her inability to make the leap reflected itself in all of my clients. So yet again I was forced to change from the inside out.
The next major change happened around 2016. After I trained my mind for years through meditation, transformative coaching, studying all the ways of our dramas, visualization, and mantras, my life became stagnant. One day it hit me, that, like with electricity, there has to be resistance somewhere when I didn’t get out what I put in. The money I was creating just didn’t show up.
That opened the world of emotions and their power to change my life. Took me three tries to finally do it. Losing control was far away from my very well controlled mind.
Until 2018 money and success wasn’t important to me and though I always had enough to live it was not enough to take greater leaps. I wanted to not be here and play this silly power games after all. Through the Law of Attraction from Abraham Hicks, my love for this physical life was finally born. We are here to experience and have fun. Never before did I see it that way. I faced a crucial decision of doing lucid dreaming and fleeing yet again, or making this live the life of my dreams.
2019-2021 was my last employment. I was there for the sole reason of integrating my insights and the fulfillment of all my old dreams.
Staying aligned even with colleagues that are emotional imbalanced. Doing brakes when I felt I needed them. Dealing with the fear of disappointment. Saying no and standing by my decisions. Having a nice boss and earning well, which I never had before.
In the meantime, I’ve coached and helped many people for free. Had a Podcast, fumigated houses, have done crystal and remote energy healing. Over many years, I refined my understanding and how to best work with my fellow human beings. The way I guide became very unconventional and action based. I’m a technician, after all.
Nowadays, I create trainings to lead people out of stressful life and back into their natural rhythm. One of the weirdest things in my life is, that I’ve the greatest wealth there is in our life…lots of time. “Even the Gods need time”, I once read in a fantasy book.